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By Robert Rankin

A hilarious comedian myth from the bestselling cult author of the Brentford Triangle Trilogy

Once upon a time Jack got down to locate his fortune within the giant urban. however the enormous urban is Toy urban, previously referred to as Toy city, and it has grown significantly because the solid previous days and is not all that jolly from now on. and there's a serial killer unfastened at the streets. The outdated, wealthy nursery rhyme characters are being slaughtered one after the other and the Toy urban police have become nowhere of their investigations. in the meantime, inner most Eye invoice Winkie has long past lacking, forsaking his sidekick Eddie undergo to maintain things.

Eddie could be a battered teddy with an id quandary, yet a persons' received to prevent the killer. whilst he groups up with Jack, the 2 are prepared for the problem. let alone the heavy consuming, undesirable behaviour, automobile chases, gratuitous intercourse and violence, toy fetishism and all-round grossness alongside the best way. it is going to be an epic experience!

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The prestige quo,’ stated Eddie. ‘I’m a teddy. I’m presupposed to do teddy issues. consume porridge, picnic within the woods, be cuddly, stuff like that. ’ Eddie made a face and spat sawdust. ‘And you’re now not prepared? ’ stated Jack. ‘I’m a undergo with brains. i've got targets. ’ ‘About the brains,’ acknowledged Jack. ‘I were thinking about approximately these. ’ ‘Oh yeah? ’ Eddie patted at his head with a paw. ‘You’ve been brooding about how a head choked with sawdust can really imagine? ’ ‘It had crossed my brain, definite. ’ ‘And so how does your mind imagine? ’ ‘It’s a mind, that’s what it does. ’ ‘It’s a bit of meat,’ acknowledged Eddie. ‘And how does a section of meat imagine? You inform me! ’ ‘Well …’ acknowledged Jack. ‘You don’t know,’ stated Eddie. ‘Nobody is aware. other than possibly for Mr Anders. He is familiar with nearly every little thing. ’ ‘And who's Mr Anders? ’ ‘The kindly, loveable white-haired previous Toymaker. He birthed me and everybody else during this bar, aside from you. ’ ‘So why don’t you converse to him approximately this establishment enterprise? inform him you will want your reputation? ’ ‘Er, no,’ stated Eddie. ‘The Toymaker made me to be a teddy and do teddy issues. the truth that I don’t love to do them is my enterprise. So I’ll simply continue my company to myself. ’ ‘Or take place lacking? ’ ‘I don’t are looking to give it some thought. ’ ‘So don’t. Let’s drink. do you need me to show you the other way up but? ’ ‘No, no longer but, yet thank you besides. You’re o.k., Jack. i admire you. ’ ‘I such as you too, Eddie, cheers. ’ Jack raised his glass, however it used to be empty. Eddie raised his, however it was once empty too. Eddie fumbled together with his paws and dropped his glass, shattering it upon the ground. ‘Sorry,’ acknowledged Eddie. ‘It occurs. much. ’ ‘You haven’t pointed out to the Toymaker that you'd fairly like a couple of …’ Jack stopped himself brief. in fact Eddie hadn’t. He may not often ask the Toymaker to slot him with a couple of arms. that may no longer be protecting the established order. ‘Sorry,’ stated Jack. ‘Forget it,’ acknowledged Eddie. ‘Buy me a lager. It’s your around. ’ ‘You have loads of switch at the counter there. ’ ‘Yes yet that’s my switch and it’s your around. ’ ‘Fair enough,’ stated Jack. ‘Although it isn’t my around. ’ Jack bought a brace of beers with the final of his cash and the 2 took to ingesting once again. ‘Tell me,’ stated Eddie, ‘about the place you return from. I’ve by no means met a person who wasn’t stated during this urban. ’ ‘It isn’t much,’ acknowledged Jack. ‘It’s only a small township, supported via a manufacturing facility. They make clockwork stuff there. I used to construct …’ Jack drew Eddie nearer. ‘What? ’ requested Eddie. ‘Clockwork barmen,’ stated Jack. ‘Like Tinto. They stated, “Howdy doody pal, what’ll it's? ” yet that’s all they acknowledged. They didn’t speak like Tinto. ’ ‘So you recognize all approximately clockwork? ’ ‘You’ve noticeable my clockwork pistol. I designed and equipped it myself. It’s no longer fairly as actual as it’s purported to be, notwithstanding. ’ ‘But you do recognize all approximately clockwork? ’ ‘Pretty a lot all. yet operating within the manufacturing facility approximately did for me. We have been like slaves in there. I hated it. The solar used to overcome down on us during the glass roof. And whilst the solar was once at its optimum, there has been this little bit of glass within the roof that used to be convex, like a lens, see, and at noon the sunlight may come via that and very burn me badly.

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